“A desaturated long-exposure shot of people crowding on stairs in a large public building” by José Martín Ramírez C on Unsplash

Anxiety: the first feeling that comes on mind every single day

Today I had an emotional rollercoaster. And I know exactly why it happened. All the feelings were triggered after old feelings and body pain.

This morning as soon as I got up and pet my cat, I got that feeling: “today is going to be a great day”. This is a natural feeling for whose has anxiety and is working on get it together. Then I had my breakfast and went back to bed because my back hurts.
Almost a month ago, I was diagnosted with low back pain. The doctors said that it was because of stress and anxiety. They also said you need to relax and take better care of your body. You should exercise more and drink more water. They didn’t ask why I’m so stressed that my muscles tighten. So, I took all the medicines, I put hot water to relax those low back muscles and after the days of rest I restart my exercise routine. I restart my job hunting. And the pain came back. I didn’t stop yet, I’m feeling it. Meanwhile, I’m also anxious. And my mind is teling me that this pain is not just stress. It is also part of my peculiar anxiety crisis.

That’s new. And that’s the moment I chose to share (which is also new).

I’m used to have anxiety crisis that includes a eating disorder, migraines and mostly insomnia. I used to go to therapy (it was a really good time in my life) but after start working I couldn’t find a time during my work shifts to get it done. Then, after get unemployed I have the time but I can’t spend the money. I’m taking care of myself by reading, writing, talking with friends about several subjects other than my anxiety. I’ve learned my body reactions through every thing that happens to it, so I know exactly what makes me weak or closer to the crisis. I also know that some days are extremely harder. That’s when my mind start to scream for help like “do not let this crisis get to your mind! you are stronger than that!” and I keep going through that day repeating this to myself over and over. After a long day I’m done and the day is over!

And I did it! It was a perfect day for all the feelings and self-controll that it took. And tomorrow, I’m doing it again.

I know that I’m not alone, but I’m also tired of seing my feelings in others.

So, I decided to write about it. I’m here for mostly for me… but I’m also here for you. Let’s talk about it and stay strong together.

Some days are better than others, some days are worse. But they’re just days and I’ve got more where they came from.

This is exactly how and what having anxiety feels like to me plus some tears

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👩🏿‍💻 🖤 💪🏾 ✨

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